The days and months pass by and before we know it Christmas is upon us yet again and the end of the year is literally getting closer by the minute. The loved ones we can’t see before the end of December we are wishing a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to; saying see you next year, a new decade in this case. 2020 is within touching distance and as we say goodbye to 2019 we wait to see what is around the corner.

I can’t say I will be sad to wave goodbye to 2019 but I am absolutely petrified of what 2020 may bring. My 2020 is going to start in Australia, that scares me. Not because Australia scares me, ok maybe the snakes and spiders but the reason behind being their scares me. It’s not for fun, it‘s by choice (one I didn’t think two seconds about) but not a nice choice. I certainly wouldn’t have it any other way, it’s not really even a choice because a choice is something you can control but for me this is essential, there is no option, I must be there. It what’s sucks about living so far away from parents, family and friends; when things go to crap it’s a mission to get there. Time, money, distance, logistics; the last thing you want when things go up shit creek is obstacles in the way. Anxiety increases, exhaustion kicks in, anxiety gets worse and what you really need is none of that, there’s no time for that as you need to be there for the people that need you. In the mean time your support network is on the other side of the world and for those that know me well, I need Greg and the girls. Greg for love, hugs, kisses and emotional support and the twins; well for the same thing but they have the energy I need to help get through. I have an amazing support network at home (Adelaide) but I need to be there for them this time, which is what I want.

I don’t know where this post is coming from or what I am trying to achieve. I’m running on no gas, I’m super tired and scared of what the immediate future holds. I may look ok on the outside but the inside is not dissimilar to a bomb waiting to explode.

I know this is all cryptic, it’s not intentionally a cryptic style Facebook post but I just don’t really feel like going into details. People that know me will guess, I may have even told you, people that don’t know just reach out and ask if you really want to know :) I’m happy to talk.