23 Long Days (since we last said goodbye)

Dear Mum 💜

It is 23 long lonely days since we last said goodbye. My heart is shattered, into millions of pieces. I have shed a million tears, I will shed millions more. I’m petrified of forgetting the smallest detail of the years that have past, I don’t want to forget anything. I miss you so much.

Everywhere I look at, everything I do, reminds me of you. I walk into the lounge room, expecting to see you in your chair; for a brief moment I wonder where you are and then I remember you are no longer here. My eyes fill with tears as I sit in your chair; cuddling your rug, wishing you were still here with me. All those nights I spent upstairs watching TV, I now want nothing more than to be downstairs chatting to you.

I am left wondering who to call when I need a chat, when I need to unpack my crappy day, ask a question or to be honest are just bored. I want to call you but I can’t. Some times I do, just so I can listen to your voicemail, I wish it was longer.

I look at your loving smile in hundreds of photos and cannot even comprehend how we are supposed to survive without you. It cannot be reality, it must be a dream but deep deep down I know it is reality that I have no choice but to accept. I’m not there yet though, acceptance is just not a possibility.

Mum, how do I move on? You were the centre of Kels and my world. Anytime we needed anything; whether that be advice, a chat, a hug, we came to you and you were always there for us. Now you are not and we are lost.

I Love You so much 💜

Matt