200 Days

Published January 14, 2014 | By Greg Hodgson-Fopp

Today’s my husband’s day to post on the blog, but he’s had a pretty crazy day, and is now chilling out with some well-earned trashy TV. I can vaguely hear it from the bedroom (he is determined to ruin his posture, so he watches TV on his laptop in bed, despite the presence of a decent television and comfortable couches in the lounge room). It sounds like someone is plotting to kill someone else, or something. Maybe it’s a police drama or something. I can never tell, they all blur together.

When it’s my turn to post in 2 days, I’ll continue the discussion of the IVF Process that I started, but when posting for my husband, I feel I should talk about things he’d talk about.

Like the fact I just realized it’s exactly 200 days to my husband’s prediction of the birth date.

200 days is 6 months and 20 days (Calculating at 30 days a month, which my Engineer’s brain keeps telling me isn’t accurate). Doesn’t seem like that long, I guess in my head I’ve always had “Pregnancy is 9 months” and I don’t seem to be noticing that time is passing and I’m not updating that. Suspect I will be in for a shock in … about 200 days.

Nothing really new to report on the pregnancy front, so far I guess.

We’ve had two ultrasounds in the last 2 weeks, and we have another scheduled for this week. It’ll be cool to see a few more pictures. The little dude/ettes are doubling in size at every ultrasound at the moment, which is inspiring.

They do still look more like little aliens than humans. I shall have to stop myself from googling “Lizard Baby”.

Poor Natasha has had morning sickness. I guess all you Mothers out there are nodding and going “of course she has”, but you see, Natasha has been unusually blessed with her previous pregnancies and hasn’t had that particular trial of the first trimester. But it seems that carrying two little babies has upped the pregnancy stakes a bit in the bloodstream to the point where it has even overcome her amazing resilience!

I will admit to sitting here, thousands of miles away, feeling slightly guilty. I feel like we made her feel ill. I know this isn’t rational, but I can’t help it. I feel a little bit to blame all the same. 

She’s also craving Tuna.

Matt is blaming me for that one, since he really, really doesn’t like Tuna. I’m not quite sure how I am supposed to have had any affect on Natasha’s cravings from this distance, but sometimes our brains don’t work like that, I guess. In the same way that Natasha told us that at least one of our babies is a girl, because she is craving cheese.

I quite like cheese. Matt quite likes cheese. Who doesn’t like cheese, really? Sometimes I even crave cheese.

*goes to the fridge*

Transvaginal Aspirations

Published January 12, 2014 | By Greg Hodgson-Fopp

So, this is part 2 of my best attempt to describe the surrogacy process in as simple a way as possible. You should probably read part 1: “Before the Magic Happened” ahead of this if you’re new here.

This part describes the most scientifically intensive part of the process, and also consequently the most anxiety-inducing part. There are a lot of resources on the internet that talk about the IVF 2-week wait, and I now understand why this is something so many people need to write about. It’s basically the hit-or-miss throw of a very long, very emotionally laden process. It’s where the biggest joys and biggest let-downs occur. It’s also probably the part people understand the least, as it bears no resemblance to what happens in a traditional pregnancy.

Transvaginal Aspirations

The process starts with egg aspiration. We talked in part one about synchronizing the menstrual cycles of our egg donor and Natasha, our surrogate, so that their, ahem, ladygarden seasons were roughly in alignment with each other. Ideally, they should be about 5 days apart. The Egg Donor will be ready first.

For the last month, the Egg Donor has been having injected hormones and hormones taken as pills, which cause her to “Super-Ovulate”. Rather than the normal one egg per month with ovaries taking turns that would occur throughout her natural life, this month her ovaries have been kicked into higher gear and will be producing a whole bunch of eggs.

We were told to expect anywhere between 10 and 20 mature, usable eggs. That doesn’t mean that she produces 10-20, generally she produces more, but only the mature and fully ready ones are able to be used.

During the course of the month leading up to the aspiration, our Egg Donor made multiple visits to the fertility clinic, and they used an ultrasound to examine her follicles to see which ones are maturing and growing eggs. It’s important for an egg donor to have lovely follicles that show up easily on ultrasound and are accessible.

Actually, our second choice for Egg Donor was rejected primarily because her follicles weren’t big or visible enough on the ultrasound. So I guess it’s just another something to keep in mind. Some girls just have bigger follicles than others, I guess.

The actual process kicks off about 36 hours before the retrieval process, when the fertility clinic begins the last stage of “ovulation induction” which triggers the final maturation process.  This is done with drugs that mimic the hormones naturally produced by the pituitary gland, and tells the ovaries to ripen and release their eggs.

The Egg Donor then comes into the clinic for the procedure and is put under. They are generally asleep the whole time this is going on. The actual technique involves a really, really long needle (seriously, it looks like it’s about half a meter long) which is inserted into an ultrasound probe, and then guided by ultrasound to the follicles of the ovaries. Think ‘acupuncture needle’ and you wouldn’t be too far wrong.

For obvious reasons this is known as “Transvaginal Aspirations” which I personally think is a great name for anything. I can definitely imagine a German Rock band with that name.

Dr. Ringler identified the mature follicles by massively amplifying the ultrasound picture. When this needle pierces the follicle, a gentle suction is applied and the fluid contents of the follicle, including the egg are retrieved into a vial, which is then palmed off immediately to the lab. The whole process takes about 15 minutes, and the Egg Donor generally only needs a couple of aspirin to recover fully within the day.

Once the eggs are safe in their new glass houses, there is a very short window of opportunity for fertilization. Approximately 2 hours.  Which is why we kind of needed to make sure all important decisions were made in advance.

Phone-calls in the night

In our case, the stress started before the Aspiration day. When they examined our Egg Donor on the day before, Dr. Ringler was unsure about the number and quality of the follicles. He asked us to consider what we might like to do if we only got a small number of eggs this time.

This sent Matt and I into a bit of a spin, because it sounded like he was advising us to change our plans. We had always decided we were in this together, and we would divide whatever number of eggs that we got equally, and implant equally. That way (as has now turned out) if we got two babies, it’d definitely be one each and done.

But when our Doctor sent us a message saying “Please consider what you’d like me to do if I am unable to get enough eggs to do both of you.” Well, it sounded like he was asking us to decide who would go first.

I decided this needed clarifying and so I called Dr. Ringler up in the middle of our night once the time-zones allowed me to do so, and we went over his expectations and our plans. It turns out, he was quite happy to go ahead with both fathers even if the number of resulting embryos was quite small. It might have meant that only one of us could be a father this time if, say, all of Matt’s eggs were successful and all of mine weren’t. But I think we were already quite happy with that possibility. So that’s what we went with.

It’s been our mantra from the start – Do everything equally, and let nature decide who is going first.

We started with 12 candidates

So, we arrived at the day of aspiration, and thankfully in the last 24 hours before aspiration, a number of mediocre mature follicles had actually matured fully. The Doctor and our cheerleader egg donor were able to aspirate 12 eggs. For some reason, when I picture our egg donor, I keep picturing Hayden Panettiere - who played the Cheerleader in Heroes. I’m happy with that image, it’ll do.

As it happens, all of my straight male friends seem very happy with her image, too. Note to self for future reference, who not to invite to our babies 18th if they’re girls.

My friends at work seem to think the next part of the process simply involves a big bucket and some gentle stirring, perhaps with a wooden spoon, and people standing around cheering individual wrigglers on. They have been referring to it as the “swishy swoshy” bit for months.

But it’s actually a whole lot more scientific than that. Our 12 eggs were inseminated with a method that involves gently piercing the outer skin of the egg with a super fine needle, and then actively picking up one sperm and shooting it down the needle and into it’s goal. How they picked that one sperm from the 470 million I left them with, I have no idea. Luck, I guess. When our children are a bit older, I shall remind them that they started life with a 1-in-470 million chance lottery win.

With this injection based fertilization there is no competition, there’s no risk of dual insemination, and this method has a higher rate of success (65-75%), so my reading confirms.

Also, Matt and I had horrible visions of sperm ‘fighting it out’ in the race to the goal. I mean, the stakes are pretty high, so there’s every reason for the little fella’s to slug it out. Only one winner, and the rest consigned to the drains of history. It wasn’t really a helpful image.

And then there were 9

24 hours after the fertilization happened, the embryos were checked. Of the 12, only 9 had successfully fertilized. That’s pretty much exactly the statistical average for this method based on my extensive google-powered research, so we should consider that a success. We then started the 5 day wait between Egg Aspiration and Implantation.

On day 2, the embryos are at a stage called the 8-cell stage and their progress is again checked. At this point, they don’t even vaguely resemble anything but slightly advanced amoebas. It is expected that at this stage, a proportion of the fertilized eggs will not have progressed to the next stage. In our case, one embryo did not advance to the 8-cell stage, but was still just 2 cells at day 2.

And then there were 8

There really isn’t much to tell about the process at this stage. The little candidates for implantation are proceeding with the natural state of affairs in little dishes inside small bio-safes which are humidity, temperature and atmosphere controlled. The right amount of oxygen in the air, the right amount of moisture, the right comfiness of the petri-dish, a few pillows (not too soft, not too hard), maybe some light refreshments provided, I guess. The doctors leave them alone at this stage to quietly go about their business of cell division and growth.

For Matt and I, this was not a quiet time. There were no light refreshments and climate controlled atmospheres. We were pretty much not sleeping, not eating properly, bickering about small things, and frankly utterly unable to focus on our normal lives.

For me, it was a particularly stressful few weeks at work, and the addition of knowing that we were in the Knock-Out-Round of our baby making was pretty much putting me over the edge from my calm, reasonable and unflappable self and dangerously close to going Postal at co-workers for things I’d normally handle with effortless grace. We got by, I think, mostly because we were in separate countries at the time. Matt had to be in Australia (again, for a far from stress-free rollout of software) so we were a half world apart.

In LA, little bundles of mini-me in petri dishes were being made, while the fathers concerned were respectively in Switzerland and Australia. Talk about long-distance fertilization. We’ll be able to gleefully tell these poor children that their parents totally phoned in the procreation process.

I know they were in safe hands, but the science is still so far from 100%, and the internet full of people whose stories did not go well, that we were pretty much bundles of nerves the whole time.

And then there were 4

I know Matt and I were deeply regretful that we couldn’t be there on the day of the implantation, to be with Natasha. It was just a case of bad timing for both our work commitments, and trying to work out that fine compromise line between dedication to employment to keep the income safe, and dedication to a process happening a 14-hour flight away. In the end, Natasha went to her appointment with her mother, which I’m very glad for, as having such a supportive family makes me reassured that there are people there looking out for her well-being.

So, on day 5 of the process, a Saturday, I sat home and basically kept hitting refresh on my email waiting for updates from either Natasha or the clinic itself. Giving up waiting for emails, I rang them a couple of times, but when they work on a Saturday, their reception staff aren’t in, so I kept leaving voice-mail.

I can’t fault the clinic, they did exactly what our instructions said. We were later given a copy of the scans from the microscopes, which showed the final 2 candidates that Dr. Ringler had selected as the most viable. This photograph is sort of like the first family shot, now that we know that both implants were successful. We shall definitely roll it out at prospective birthday parties, that’s for sure.

And 2 were left

The process of implantation starts with grading. While they are growing, the embryos are monitored closely and given grades. Some clinics use a three-grade system. Such as “5AA” or “4AB” to rate different parts of the little mini-me. One grade is for baby, one is for the placenta, and one for the sack of embryonic stem cells they’re floating in. Our clinic uses a slightly more common system of just giving them the number to represent their overall prospective chances.

By then, of course, I’d over-educated myself to death in what a 5-day blastocyst (lovely term) should look like. The larger of the two was pretty much text book perfect, I could tell that. I actually considered submitting the photo for the textbooks to use in future editions. But I was mildly concerned about the viability of the smaller one. Natasha told me that they’d shown her the implants before whisking them into the catheter, which she found oddly rewarding.

In subsequent follow-up emails, the clinic informed us that the four embryos that were left with from the 12 original eggs all scored 4.5 out of 5, except for one ‘super star’ which scored 5 out of 5. That’d be the text-book perfect one then.

Though initially we felt gutted to get down to just 4 embryos from 12 eggs, a bit of research tells me this is a pretty good result. The statistics say that only 1 in 6 embryos makes it to an implantable quality. As it stands we got close to 50% of our fertilized embryos at implantable (or freezable) quality.

I was happy that we had two frozen, because we intended all along to have two children. So knowing that we had a couple of spares for 2-3 years time was very pleasing to me. It gave us the chance to think about that, and factor that in. To know that if we wanted to repeat the process, we could do so with the same genetic materials.

For our implant, the ‘super-star’ embryo and one of 4.5 embryos was implanted. The process involves pretty much exactly what you would expect. A long, thin, plastic tube, an ultrasound for traffic control and guidance, and a little bit of a push and the embryos are gently dropped off at the end of the line where they’re expected to make themselves comfortable. Dr. Ringler reported that he was very happy with the quality of the embryos and the implantation process itself. Natasha was safely heading home straight afterwards, and we actually heard from her (texting from the car) long before the medical staff at the clinic had had the time to sit down and write up their emails to us.

And then we began the most harrowing part of the process altogether – the wait to see if we’re pregnant or not.

This is known as the “IVF 2 week wait” and any research at all will show it’s the most stress-filled part of the whole process. And that’s what I’ll save for the next post.

Baby Rambles! Another ultra-sound.

Published January 10, 2014 | By Matt E. Hodgson-Fopp

Well a week has passed since we found out about the twins. OMG. I think I am still in shock! Excited but scared. Everyone has been amazing. Thank you 

Natasha had another routine scan yesterday with our OBGYN in San Diego county somewhere. I know it was about an hour from Natasha’s but where that is in the big state of California I have no idea. At about the 10-12 week mark; CFP in Los Angeles *hand* Natasha over to an OBGYN closer to home. I guess this will be when a decision will be made about hospitals etc. The scan was all very positive; 2 beating heart beats and about double the size that they were last week. I’m sure they’re boys! Another scan next week in Los Angeles at CFP, routine for this process, not so routine for a normal pregnancy from what I understand. I wish we could be there but we’ll all be there for the big scan in April including Mum.

Are there really going to be twins in our house in 6 months time! Aghhhhh.

So to post the scans or not? Are people really interested? I personally think the one from last week looks like a black and white photo of Aoife (our cat).

Dinner time for me. I could dribble on about all the boring process stuff but I will leave that to Mr H-F the 2nd

Before the Magic Happened

Published January 8, 2014 | By Greg Hodgson-Fopp

So, now that we’re out of the closet as gay parents intended, it’s time to answer the questions that I keep getting asked by friends near and far. By far the most common question is (of course): “How the hell does that work?”.

This is a long and involved process. I’m probably going to need 2-3 posts to get through the simplest version of describing the process, and even then, there are some parts (like choosing a surrogate) that are so monumental that they’re something I’m going to want to write about separately anyway.

So, let’s consider this part 1 – the bits we had to go through before the magic could even happen.

Seated comfortably? Good.

So, the simple* version goes something like this:

Agency

First, we decide to engage in surrogacy (a whole massive other topic for another time), choose a surrogacy agency to assist, review agency profile, meet with agency and sign detailed contract with agency. This was the first part after doing way too much online research (and as time will tell, nowhere near enough at the same time). 

We had decided to use a British Agency because both Matt and I hold British citizenship, and so it seemed to make sense and gave us a sense of trust that we felt might be lacking if we went directly to an American Agency. I’m not sure we’d make the same decision again, to be honest, but at the time we really didn’t know enough about the process and so having an agency to hold our hands through it was helpful.

Ultimately, without them, we wouldn’t have met the other partners in the process that we have met, so it was worth it for the introductions if nothing else.

Fertility Clinic & Male Medical Clearance

With agency assistance, we then were directed to choose a fertility clinic and make initial contact to find out the details. Our fertility clinic is California Fertility Partners in Los Angeles. Once the initial contact is made, we then relentlessly googled the clinic to find out details (you can get their success %-ages online, as it’s part of American fertility law to publish them) and make sure they weren’t some small or new clinic that had just popped up overnight.

We then received a checklist from the clinic that was the tests that Matt and I needed to get done before we could even be considered by them. This meant we could start male-aspect medical clearance which involved giving blood (6 vials!) and the first sperm donation (another topic for another time, since Matt and I are both scarred for life by that part of the process). We then went through these expensive tests (expensive in Zurich anyway, and for some reason free in Australia), then repeat expensive tests a month later to make sure you’re still clear of plague. Some of them had to be repeated one month later to ensure that we weren’t getting false negatives, as well.

For us, this part was complicated by my somewhat garden-variety-GP who was distinctly intimidated by the list of tests that I handed him. When he had to get out books to work out what some of them were, I realized it wasn’t just the language barrier we were climbing. This was a doctor more familiar with “I’ve got a cold and want some drugs”, than “I’ve got a list of 15 tests, some genetic, some related to chromosomes, some related to life-threatening diseases like cancer, and a full shopping list of every sexually transmitted disease you’ve ever heard of, and I need you to test me for all of them and provide written evidence of said tests. By Friday.”

I think I was actually tested for Gonorrhea about three times by accident. Aaaaaanyway.

Egg Donors

Meanwhile, we were given anonymous egg donor profiles (10 or so at a go, we probably were sent 30+ in total) that matched the initial criteria we agreed with the agency. These profiles are quite extensive medically, feature photographs and full family medical histories, and  a reasonable but brief psychological profile as well. You get to choose a donor, be disappointed “Sorry, already taken”, choose different donor, be disappointed “didn’t pass medical”, then choose another donor, finally get to the next stage.

Oddly, we pay upfront for donor to have a battery of medical and psychological tests and if she fails them (our second donor did), then you’re out of pocket for that and back at square one. Seemed a little harsh.

When you get a donor, then the contract part comes into play, you need to place her money with a third party (anonymous, remember?) and then sign a weird contract that lists her by a pseudonym (“Why yes, we do agree to pay CC8877 a princely sum for the fruit of her loins”) which just felt weirdly clandestine.

I have to say, this point of the process was odd for me on a philosophical level. It’s a little bit close to eugenics, as you’re faced with PDFs of 10 different women and you find yourself saying things like “I like the look of this one, but her grandmother had a stroke and her Dad’s short, whereas this one doesn’t have as nice hair or as good teeth, but her grandparents are all healthy and her brothers are all over 6ft tall”.

It’s a very odd thought process to find yourself going through. I’ll detail more specifics about our egg donor journey to find ours in another post. It was a minor side rollercoaster on the whole rollercoaster process.

Surrogates

Simultaneously, we would be looking at Surrogate profiles. These are much more friendly, and interesting in different ways as the surrogates identify themselves and often include pictures of their family and statements of their intent and reasoning behind being surrogates.  Some were very short (half a page, one photo) and others were very detailed. Sift through these potential candidates trying to make a world-changingly important decision based on gut feeling and grainy photos.

Once a surrogate is selected, you generally have a phone chat, then maybe exchange a few emails before finally meeting them in person to have a final “fit” conversation. Both sides of the partnership have to feel comfortable with the other people. This is a huge, massive leap of faith and trust and as such it’s really important to get it right. Looking back at our first two candidates (not successful on one side or another), and comparing to some other people’s stories on the grapevine, I realize how incredibly, truly lucky we are to have found and connected so well with Natasha.

So much so, I’ll save that whole process for another post and introduce her properly then.

Contracts

Once a surrogate and an egg donor have been arranged, then they go through their medical clearance, while at the same time a lot of lawyers get involved. There are contracts to set up between egg donor and agency, agency and us, surrogate and us. These contracts occur in the US, so most of the time it was via extensive emails and documents being sent back and forth for reading, red-lining, clearing and ultimately signing.

At the end of the process (and because law is involved and it’s ultimately a contract, there is always some confusion, some clarification, some clauses that are worded badly or not appropriate at all), eventually you get “legal clearance” to proceed on both parts.

This part was a bit stressful. The surrogacy contract has a million “What if” clauses that really hammer home the risks of the process. It was chilling stuff to be signing.

Medical Clearance for the Ladies

If you’re also lucky, by the time legal clearance has been given, you then also get medical clearance.

I’m somewhat out of the loop on what this involved, actually. For Matt and I, it was a relatively simple, if incredibly awkward process. For the egg donor, I believe there are ultrasounds of follicles, counts taken, hormone levels assessed and balanced and the required psychological assessment to ensure she is sane. For the surrogate, the process is different again, also involving probably invasive processes at the fertility clinic, more ultrasounds, blood tests for all sorts of things. If I’m brave enough, I’ll ask Natasha next time we see her, and if I’m not asking too personal a question, maybe she’ll allow me to post an update of what that involved at some later point.

From our personal point of view, this part of the process was a few bills and a lot of incredibly nervous waiting. It would have been gutting to get to the point of finding someone you really matched with only to be told a physiological idiosyncrasy stopped it.

Medical Clearance for the Gents Redux

Also, for us fathers, our work wasn’t done yet! Despite being medical pre-cleared, we were still required to do all the tests again in the US once the process was ready to start. This mean 6 more vials of blood and another generous deposit of genetic provided in an awkward and distinctly unromantic little booth at the fertility clinic.

And that’s not all. Due to some quirks in American law, we then had to repeat those tests again once more, when back in Switzerland, to ensure we were still clear of the entire gamut of sexually transmitted diseases a month later.

My poor GP was utterly confused by this point, and I dealt mostly with his efficient receptionist/nurse who just took the blood, filled in the form and had the paperwork ready for me a few days later.

Synchronize those Biological Clocks

If you’re lucky and timely, the surrogate and egg donor are then ready to synchronize. This involves them taking normal contraceptive pills for a month, then somewhat expensive hormones for about a month more.

At this point, Matt and I were done. Our generous and healthy contributions to the process had been left safely in the hands of a nurse at CFP (who I like to think trembled slightly when I handed her my vial of manliness, but that was maybe my hands not hers). Our part was frozen a month before and ready to be put into the mix when the ladies were ready.

And a month later, cycles synchronized, (and I bet both of them were sick of the daily injections by that point), they could come back into the reassuring and ultra-high-tech offices of CFP for the little bit of magic to happen.

 

And that, I’ll write more about next time